just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
