i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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