I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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