Yo dont text me then not text me
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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