stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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