I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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