Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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