So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
