Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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