Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
