I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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