His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
