I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
