I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
