Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
