somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
