I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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