is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
