God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
