Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
