just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
