You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
