new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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