I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize