She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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