Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
