You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
