come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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