I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
