I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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