dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
