but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
