Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
