if you like me you must not know who I am
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
