Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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