Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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