I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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