Are we in a gay sports bar?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
