i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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