The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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