The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
