All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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