I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
