Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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