I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
