We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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