so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
