i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Two words: blizzard sex
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
