Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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