I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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