You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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