Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
whose ass print is on the piano?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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