Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
