i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You've changed since you got that strap on
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
