About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
