I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
