He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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