JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
