My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
