ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
