shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
we should paint friendship bongs
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize