2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
