i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
