this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
