It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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