Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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