i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
