I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
