she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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