im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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