oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
