Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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