you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
