respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
