I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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