I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize