So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
